I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
