if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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