you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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