Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize