he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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