you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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