i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
