I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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