Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
