omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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