i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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