Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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