Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
