He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
