i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
