how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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