Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
