i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
