The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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