I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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