Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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