She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
