I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
