i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
