who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
