also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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