She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
