Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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