He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
