Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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