Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
