THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
