Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she told me i tasted like america
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
