quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
