Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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