so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
