just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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