I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
