We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
