Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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