im gay
i know
yea but for you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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