I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
