She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
