You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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