Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
