You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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