your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
