his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
