so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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