dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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