my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
