I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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