Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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