Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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