May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
