I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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