My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
