I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
