taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
