You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
