Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
