i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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