I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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