puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
