I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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