Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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