Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
