So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
