I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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