the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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