I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
