Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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