Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
