Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
