Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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