this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
