I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
